W16D2.Tuesday.August 11th

I am embarrassed and ashamed and honest…and I said it…through hormonal tears I said “I don’t want to be pregnant anymore”

Today was a rough day….in reality it was more like a cake walk but with the hormonal surges I am having it was close to unbearable

I got myself down trying to work out the transportation schedules of the girls once school starts – it seemed too hard, too much so I put it to the back of my mind knowing I could deal with it later. I wanted to focus my excitement on my doctor visit. I borrowed 75 cents to buy a nice fresh very cold coke (heat index was close to 100 at 1030am). I took 3 sips and set it on the floor so it didn’t boil in the Jeep while I had my appointment. The appointment went well – Baby Dalbo’s heart rate was 150 so my vote is in for a boy. I was told not to have a home birth and that if the girls wanted to be there when it (still holding out for a girl )was born that they would bring me in a little earlier in labor than for 1st or 2nd time moms. The doctor said unless something is out of the ordinary – this one will likely come fast – but of course we will know more in 5 months or so. I got my orders to get the level II sonogram – which among other things tells the gender. I got into the Jeep, forgot about the soda, and drove back to work. Pulling into the parking spot I remembered the soda. What a mess! There was only 3 sips left. My eyes moistened for a moment, then excitement grew for the ultrasound. I called to make the appointment, latest I could get was 315pm, but I calculated in my head that we could get Sabrina out for 20 minute early dismissal and still make it on time. I wanted to extend the invitation to Joe’s parents to come with us and find out the gender, so I verified with the lady…how many people can I have in the room during my u/s? She takes like 5 minutes to check, even noting what room I’m scheduled in, and comes back with two. TWO? What? All these rules that doctors have REALLY get on my nerves! I have more than two children who would like to be there. She suggests that family members rotate so that only two are in there at a time. WHAT? So I gotta fake knowing the gender 2 or 3 times? WHAT? That’s just stupid. We sorta went through this crap at the Genetics u/s – they were afraid that the kids were gonna bother them – I guess – I’m like WHAT??? What kind of children do you think I have? It’s not like I was trying to bring George and Simon in there. And anyways if you need total quiet and concentration in your job maybe you need a new job. WHATEVER. Obviously having a lot on my mind, I get out of the Jeep and shut the door and remember that I forgot the keys in the ignition with it still turned on. LOVELY! Eyes moisten quickly and a couple tears fall. I try to call Joe – no answer – I go into work. I open my computer to find a message from HR “Why has my resume been updated on Monster?” It hasn’t really – I just changed the email on the account but I guess it brought me front and center on their search. Good to know where they stand on the subject, though. I call Joe a couple more times and then he calls me back. His dad offers to come unlock the Jeep. Things seem to be improving. I even solved the school transport issue but it’s just too late and I enter basket case territory. I go to call three different “friends” to complain and none can take my call at the time – THE NERVE – just joking – so I start typing this post and I’m doing great, feeling great, the post is great and then the phone rings – it’s Joe and I love to talk to Joe so I take the call – nothing special just a regular call – hang up and go back to the post – it’s gone. I muddle through the rest of the afternoon, drive home soaking wet from sweat, I go inside and go straight to my bed. When Joe realizes I’m home he comes upstairs and I start crying and explaining it’s because of the coke spilling and getting locked out of the car and then I’m laughing while I’m crying – odd sight – like the sun shining while it’s raining. We try to decide on dinner plans – I cry some more – we go get the food and come home. After we have all eaten, Jaime says something that irritates me and I want to say a lot of things I’ll regret so I go to sleep. By the way, I had made the “bad statement” during the crying spell while deciding on dinner.

Weight – 144 at home 146 at the docs
BP – 117/70